Trouble At Home: Part II

Before discussion #1 occurred, I had looked up Chris' phone number and called him to chat. I took me three days to actually get the nerve to call him. My stomach was full of butterflies and I just didn't know if it was a good idea for us to actually talk. When I did call, I continued with the butterflies through the whole thing, and somehow, we filled up a whole hour of getting to know each other again. As of today, I have probably talked to him five times. The butterflies have mostly gone, but now it feels like I am sneaking around to talk to him because of the discussion with Husband, he has not banned phoning him, he just wants me to be honest with him about it.

It has come to my attention that when I talk to him, I talk extra quiet, and this scares Husband. He wants to know why I whisper, but I don't have an explanation to give him. Last night, before the second big discussion, I talked to Chris on the phone, and that “whispering”, as Husband calls it, started the whole thing. I used the wrong words, and it turned into a fit of jealousy. Again, Husband walked away a bit, and this time he grabbed my phone to look at the call history. Again, I felt violated and nervous as I had to explain that I hadn't talked to him that many times, he was not at home for the six times I called over the last three days.

This also irritates Husband because Chris has my phone number now. On top of things, Husband is ripping him to shreds, he is playing the “alas, poor me, I'm getting a divorce” ticket, he is manipulating me and trying to question my marriage. Trying to make me to relive these feelings and bring them back so he can steal him away from Husband.

I get asked the questions “What would you do if you were in my shoes?” and “Is it worth it”. Husband won't tell me what to do, but he does want honesty and for me to have better judgment. I deleted Chris' phone number out of my phone and will not call him again. This is too bad because I have been enjoying talking to him, and none of it would be something Husband would disapprove of.