A Really Hard Day

Monday was a      day
The day started with a horribly active and loud baby. The whole morning he would not let me be, On top of that, he was on top of everything that would make him more than 3 inches higher. It was a challenge to say the least. I thought I was being clever, and gave him a medium sized cardboard box to play with. Usually, something like this would keep him occupied for quite a while. Instead, he played inside it for about five minutes, pushed it across the room twice and then left it be. He did not want to play with his toys, and was grabbing just about anything that wasn't glued down and would fit in his little hand. I could go on and on about all the things he did, but that would probably make me frustrated again.

Finally, it was nap time, he really wasn't showing signs of being tired other than screeching and throwing mini fits, but that was how he had been acting all morning up until then. By this time I was all worked up and not feeling like I could settle down to sleep myself, but I tried anyways. I forgot to set an alarm again, and the girl was waiting outside the door for about five minutes. Luckily Monster had woken up and he had woken me; the doorbell just doesn't do the trick.

After Daughter got home, and Monster was awake, I went back into depressed, anxious and angry mode. I needed to get out of the house before something happened. Husband suggested to go to the “Y”, as usual, but I was in such a state I didn't think that I would be able to settle enough to do anything. Instead, I called my mom, who was already on her way home from work. I decided to take the kids and go see her. The car ride was mostly calm, except for Daughter's usual habit of singing and talking nonsense. Thank goodness for grandmas. We were invited to stay for dinner, which consisted of homemade turkey noodle soup and homemade bread, which were absolutely yummy as usual.

Husband took the kids home and I stayed a bit for the chance to be away from the kids for a little while. The  plan was for me to go home, change clothes and head to the “Y” to relax (which to me, sounds impossible, how can one exercise and get pepped up and sweaty while you mind clears and settles?). All the way home, my thoughts were back into the depressed, anxious mode, but this time I was also having thoughts about hurting myself. I was feeling so disconnected and out of place I didn't know what was going on. On the way home I kept trying to think of somewhere I could go instead of home, even though it would be a short stop. I had decided against the “Y” because of my mental state. I couldn't think of a thing to do, so I just drove home. When I got there, I couldn't get myself to get out of the car. I sat there for over half an hour stewing and being depressed and talking negatively to myself. Eventually, I called Husband and asked him to come outside and make me get out of the car.

We had a long talk about how I was feeling and then plans on how to stay sane while home alone with Monster. I almost became optimistic about the next day, the plan involved things I would almost never do, but at least now I know of an option to help things go better.