The Plain Truth

Thursday was a       day
Anxiety Range: 2-4
Depression Range: 2-4
Impulses: 2

Activity Level: 4
Light Time: 1 ½ hours

I woke up feeling pretty terrible, and didn't want Husband to go to work. I was very depressed, and just didn't feel up to doing anything, especially taking care of Monster. I sat and talked with Husband for a little while, making him even later for work, but it was needed. We decided that I needed to go to the “Y”, since it has been showing that I feel much better emotionally each time I go.

It was a struggle getting going, but it did end up making me feel better. I hate to admit it, but the process of forcing myself and the internal dialog I have to go through is difficult, but worth it. I wish I could get going easier, but it will come with time; I just have to remind myself about the benefits.

I walked 2 ½ miles on the treadmill in less time than usual. I increased the speed but found that I have a hard time with my balance, so had to hold on the whole time. It just doesn't help my balance, but keeps me at that even pace so I don't alternat sliping back and getting too close, like I usually do. It was almost as if I was being pulled along, but it worked. Also, Obama was giving a speech, and it was live on CNN, so I had a distraction; I wasn't just standing there listening to music watching the numbers tick. I hated having to watch him and this speech, but I just needed distraction.

I hate to go into politics but I just feel that Obama is playing the crowd, not outright bashing, but in his smooth way digging and implying things that are just plain crazy. He made it sound that McCain is against things like helping the middle class tax-wise, and his economic plan will be the same as Bush's. Obama stressed points that are common sense, it was painful to watch. This was basically a “love me” speech.

When I got home from the gym I felt really good emotionally wise, but was a little tired. There was little for a nap since we had the follow up appointment for Daughter's hip pain. I knew she was feeling much, much better, and discovered that she has no pain at all. The doctor wasn't entirely surprised about this, explaining that it is an odd thing that comes on all of the sudden, the pain can be severe (like it was, leaving her unable to walk) and then disappear, probably never going to be seen again.

We all got home by 2:45 and I put Monster down for his nap immediately, then tried to sleep myself. I had a hard time settling down, but got in about one hour.

In the evening, and almost all evenings, my mood starts to decline. Usually it is depression with some antsy feelings. I try to distract myself, usually with my computer, and then hide out in the bedroom away from the noise. Thursday night I even started reading my book again, it is called “Plain Truth” by Jody Picoult. I put down this book months and months ago, and I hesitate to say a year, but that is probably right. It is about an Amish girl who has a baby and allegedly kills it. She starts out even denying she had the baby in the first place. The lawyer ends up living in the Amish community as a custodian of this girl while they await trial. I am not sure that I picked up at a good point; I may have restarted somewhere after the point I can really remember as the last thing.

I don't know if I will keep up with reading my book, it is an easy thing to put aside. I have a couple books laying on the floor on my side of the bed that I started but put down, just like Plain Truth. I have so many distractions, I just can't rotate all of them otherwise I would never get a single thing done. It would be Plurking and Twitter-ing, blogging, reading, doing crosswords, making jewelry, making greeting cards, drawing, painting flower pots, making bandannas and cat toys for the humane socitety, finishing a quilt that was due almost three years ago, and many, many others.

Thursday night, I did have the antsy depression, and I took some Perphenazine, read for a little while in my book and went to bed at a reasonable hour.