I'm Missing Something

Tuesday was a three star day
It feels like there is something I need to be doing, but I am pretty sure that there isn’t anything. I am used to making the drive from home-> school for Daughter -> to Auntie’s to drop off Monster-> errands -> blog-> nap -> everyone gets home. Having a nap in there may make it seem that I don’t accomplish much, and if you guessed that, you would be right about 60% of the time.

I have to fight and fight to stay awake all day, it is probably one of my medications, and the fact that I have sleeping issues. I had a sleep study done a little over a year ago, and they found some funky things, but couldn’t, but probably wouldn’t label it as anything. I have a very minor case of sleep apnea and my cycles are short where they should be long, and sometimes too long here and there. I was thought to have narcolepsy for a little while, but my test results didn’t have exactly the patterns, so they wouldn’t call it that. I am even taking Provigil, a med used for ADD/ADHD. It usually shows you down, but when you do not have ADD and such, it has the opposite effect. It isn’t addictive, little or no side effects, and is quick acting. I tried to cut down the dose by ½, since my psychiatrist thought that Provigil was causing my insomnia, but I could barely function; I was just too tired. Turns out, and as I was guessing all along, it was the new anti-depressant.

To battle the boredom of the day, I took the monster to the mall so I could get a little exercise while looking for a swimsuit and journal for school to be filled out each year with fun things to think about and keep a photo. I found a total of three, one would probably work, but it was $22, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to spend that much. I have a scrapbook with colors I picked out for Daughter to show her different activities and important moments, but I felt overwhelmed and didn’t know where to start. I think I will use this to do the school years journal. It is pink and full of flowers and sparkles, but I think it will be fine. I may decide to just find a neutral color and decorate the outside in a way that won’t seem childish when she graduates from high school.

Tuesday I swam 3/5 of a mile, which is 1/8 more than I did yesterday. And yes, I am keeping track in as little of increments as I need to. I super want to know exactly how much I am swimming each day and use it as a marker to show my progress in increasing that number. I am still having problems with the breathing patterns and technique while in freestyle mode. I haven’t been doing as much as that as I am doing backstroke and kick boards. I even got out the pull buoys and used them while on my back, just trying to work the opposite muscles in my arms. I am getting a good work out with my legs, doing about 70% of my time on the kickboard.

I think the swimming is already improving my mood, as it is a great distraction from pretty much the entire world, giving me less time to dwell and be lazy at home. I have still been antsy and anxious, but it doesn’t linger, also there are new triggers that I can’t identify yet. I stopped taking the double dose of my anti-anxiety med (Perphenazine) since my monthly cycle is over and the hormones are back to “normal”. I may have to take one regularly in the afternoon, perhaps even take two when I wake up and see how that goes.