I Fought It Off

Monday was a    day
The kids were quiet for the most part, but I still started to get an anxiety attack. I called Husband, and after about ten minutes, I finally agreed that I should go to the “Y” to have some peace and get my daily work out.

When we finally got there, four lanes of lap swim were open, but each of them had one or two people in them, so I opted for another walk. I have officially decided that I will not use the track because of the pain it causes me on long walks from the corners and sloping. I hopped on the tread mill and combined with the little time I was on the actual track I walked for 45 minutes. I hit the pool next, hoping to get in some treading water in the deeper part of the leisure pool. It wasn’t until I got in that I discovered it wasn’t deep enough for my legs to hang down completely. Instead, I used my arms only and kept my legs in a sitting position and leaned back. I hit the hot tub after almost 10 minutes and then went for my shower.

I am getting more and more unhappy with the child care at the “Y”. This time, even though I told them I didn’t want Monster to go outside, they brought him out there. Also, just as I was getting into the shower, and starting to lean forward to get my  hair wet, I heard my name on the PA system telling me to come back to child care. In my mind I tried to stay calm, I knew that either one of them got hurt, or more likely, Monster needed a diaper change. When I got there, the big emergency was that Daughter split her pants and was feeling embarrassed. She had gotten over it and went back to playing by the time I got there; this was obviously something that could have waited, if they looked at the sign-in sheet, they would have seen that I estimated I would pick-up ten minutes from then. UGH!

After nap time and dinner, Husband had a video conference meeting, and I agreed two days ago that I would take the kids somewhere so that there wouldn’t be any distractions. I went over to SIL’s house and visited there. SIL took Daughter to the park while BIL, Monster and I watched some TV and made fun of the cat who was being annoyed by Monster.

The “Y” helped calm the anxiety, and I am starting to feel more comfortable being there; for some reason I get embarrassed and feel out of place. Exercise is supposed to be a distraction, but I end up just thinking and dwelling on the bad thoughts while walking and since my mind needs something to think about. Physically, it does make me feel good, I am so unhappy with the way I look, and these workouts make me feel like I am making progress to get to a better shape.

When I got home from SIL’s I fell into the couch, exhausted physically from working out and mentally from dealing with the kids all day. Immediately, Husband took control, popped in some Heroes for me, and took the kids upstairs so he could take care of them the rest of the night.

Heroes is supposed to be a great show, but I am feeling that it is only good, but entertaining, but I could take it or leave it. There are lots of plot twists and secrets revealed every episode,and too many sides of the story to follow considering there are four big ones, with multiple aspects for each, I am so confused with what is happening now and in the past. There are two characters that can time travel, and it is just too much. If I could follow along better, I may be into the show even more.

I was up really, really late, as was Daughter. The both of us prolly didn’t fall asleep until just after 11:30! She has been very stressed about going to bed lately and has climbed into bed with us almost every night for the last week. She is afraid of the dark, being alone, and makes all sorts of excuses to get out of bed. She comes up with things like being hungry again, thirsty, need to use the bathroom and others.

Tuesday morning, I was still able to get up somewhat easily after a couple snoozes, staying slightly awake between all of them.