Good Mothering?

Friday was a two star day
It’s been quite a while since I dropped down the dose of my Provigil to half. My psychiatrist thought it may help with the insomnia I was having, but I think it was due to the new medication he had me on. Now that I am back to my old stand-by Lexapro, things are better in the sleeping area. I do get some anxiety about going to bed, but I am genuinely tired. Actually, I am tired every day, all day. I really can’t get through a day without a nap, and I do so every time my little monster goes down. I can sleep at any time and it doesn’t affect my ability to sleep through the night. It has happened several times where I sleep from 4-6:00pm and still get to bed at 10-11:00. It also makes it harder to take care of the kids when I am so drowsy. I am also fortunate that Daughter is now old enough to watch tv while Monster and I sleep. It’s never more than two hours, and she is so glued to it she barely notices. I just set out a snack and some juice and she is fine for the duration.

Monster was home with me all day on Friday. We didn’t pay Auntie for this week, instead waiting to start back on Monday after our vacation was over. It was hard and frustrating, and I had to take him to my therapist appointment with me. It is so distracting, and we didn’t get a whole lot discussed, it was mainly about Monster and how he is developing and I am coping with caring for him and his sister. She thinks I am doing a good job, my kids are both thriving and on track on the development scale. I guess doing what I am, being consistent with how our home-life is structured and discipline.

It is hard for me to believe that I am doing so well that I get compliments about it. I hear from many people about how good of a mother I am, but I shrug it off. I always feel like I am struggling to care for them and give them what they need.

I went through some anxiety on Friday, but not a lot of the deep depression spells. I don’t know if that is progress or not since I feel overall a little better than I did two weeks ago, now that I am off the Disiprimine. My issues have just shifted as what is dominant. The same things are triggering me, but I was also on vacation from the busyness of the real word for almost have of this time, so there was a lower frequency of occurrences.