Feeling a bit better

Saturday was a three star day
I haven’t gone back and counted yet, but this is the first three star day in at least three weeks! I’ve only been on Lexapro for two days, so I don’t know if that is the source of my feeling good or not. In the past, it started helping in two to three days, so it is very likely. Usually when I spend a lot of time with my in-laws I get stressed and annoyed and just overall have a hard time coping. I don’t know if it is because I am at their home instead or mine, it could very well be.

I haven’t felt the need to escape and isolate over the last two days, but I also haven’t been tip-top shape. There have been a few instances where I was starting to feel some panic, and I took a pill right away. However, there hasn’t been a time when I was feeling bad that I had to call Husband for support. I have a hard time being independent from Husband when it comes to big responsibilities such as driving two hours away with the kids, on my own. It makes me nervous and I get the feeling that I just don’t know what I am doing and need him to take control. I can’t (or should I say “won’t”) spend the entire evening home with the kids while he is out. I call for backup, either I go to my sister’s house or invite someone over for dinner.

When Husband was teaching for a local college and was gone one night a week from straight after work until about 9:30pm, I panicked and made arrangements. Since my BIL works only 15 minutes from my house, and he was staying with his sister while in process of selling their home and moving here, I took advantage of the situation. Every Wednesday night, I had him come straight from work and I would make him dinner. He would hang out as late as possible, then I would try to put the baby down to bed for the night, and hope that Husband would be home really, really soon. BIL was a real comfort for me.

While here at the in-laws’ house, I have my computer, and that helps pass the time. I got really bored Saturday to the point that I didn’t know what to do other then go to bed a little early. Today is Sunday, and I am driving back home, hopefully at a time that I feel awake, and the baby is tired so that he will take a nap. I don’t have any coffee here, from my own fault, so I am pumping the caffeine with my diet dr. pepper. I woke up early, so that probably means I will be tired about 10am, about the time I would like to leave. There is a lot of packing up to do, so perhaps we won’t be able to leave until after lunch anyways if we tried.