Angel's blog

Xerox (and I know other companies do this as well) is printing postcards and sending them to troops that are on tour. The thing that makes this special is the fact that the postcards designs are from children. You can then select a message, or write your own. There is even a section of responses from the troops that do recieve these and how special and uplifting they are. Some of the best messages sent are also shown.

Take a look and be inspired like I was:  letssaythanks.com

Fun Quizzes

Here are some websites with fun, meaningless quizzes, some of which provide personalized banners to place on your own website. Even if you don't want to post your results, it is still lots of fun.

http://www.namethatwhatever.com
http://www.heyquiz.com
http://www.blogthings.com
http://www.stupidtester.com

Cat Assassins!

If you own a cat, you know there is something sneaky about them. Here is the truth about how their innocent looking actions are actually preparation for killing you.

Oh Well!

I have not blogged in about three days, and I have no intention of trying to go back and write an entry for those days. I am going to stop writing every day, perhaps every other or just twice a week. I have been dreading writing some mornings, and other days I just forget and it is a rush to get it out that evening. During the day I don't have much time to work on it, so either it is right away when I get up (only on days that I do get up with my alarm) or after dinner when I have forgotten most of what happened.

I have been going to the YMCA almost every single day. Some days I walk and do my weight lifting circuit, and others I go to one of the classes. I love classes, they keep me moving for a full hour without the pounding on my legs from walking. I've been doing yoga and pilates classes, and some that mix the two along with either some tai chi or cardio. I would like to do some swimming, but I can never get there when the lanes are empty. I talked to one of the lifeguards about the quietest part of the week for the lap lanes, and it appears Wednesdays are super quiet all around. I will have to try that out next week.

Since I have been going to the “Y” I have been feeling really good, and so I am trying to keep it up. I do have a restriction though, the child care is only for two hours. If I were to do a full work out like I want, there would be an hour or so of walking, 45 minutes or however long to do my weights and then soak in the hot tub for a little while (or maybe even swim for 15 minutes) and then shower, dress and go pick up Monster. That is more like 2 ½ hours, or maybe even three.

My moods have been pretty steady, meaning less mood swings, but unfortunately the level it is holding is somewhat high. I like that just after the workout I am in a relatively good mood, but as I have blogged (many times) before it is super hard to get the energy and motivation to walk out that door. I think that SAD is trying to get a firmer hold on me, and rainy days are the worst. Other than exercise there are few distractions that I can just suddenly pull out of my closet and get to work on right away.

Saturday was a       day
Anxiety Range: 2-4
Depression Range: 1-3
Impulses: 3
Activity Level: 2
Light Time: zero

Saturday was day #1 of 2 of the house warming/birthday party. All of MIL's brothers and sisters were able to make it, and only one of their spouses did not come. That means seven people, three of Husband's cousins and their spouses were here, then the grandparents, MIL and FIL, my SIL, and of course Husband. There were five little kids running around and one small dog that couldn't be left home for so long. Total count was 20 people (with me) in the medium sized house. It took part of two larger dining room tables, seating outside and all the chairs in the living room (plus folding chairs brought in) for everyone to sit down for a meal. I have a somewhat mild case of claustrophobia, but the more people you add, the worse it becomes.

MIL made seafood gumbo and my chili recipe for lunch, and I got a lot of compliments, which felt nice, then for dinner MIL had cooked a turkey and pulled it apart for sandwiches. One of MIL's sister brought FIVE full size desserts, which 1 ½ of them would have sufficed. Two other people also brought a dessert and sweet bread so the temptation was running wild. I controlled myself pretty well except for the lemon poppyseed bread. For the birthday part of the day, the dessert lady then brought out a sixth, a Ho-Ho cake. It was basically chocolate cake topped with a cream, and then chocolate, the components of a Ho-Ho. I did not eat any of the cake knowing that it would be chocolaty rich and I don't enjoy that most of the time.

I hid from the party for quite a bit, I hung out in the den playing with my iPhone and fixed some of my contacts, and Plurked a bit. I also played pool with Husband and FIL in the less populated basement, took a nap, and then went back to the den for a bit, and then downstairs with Husband to an abandoned space. I only thought to take my anti-anxiety med (Perphenazine) once, and I should have taken more, it would have definitely helped.

I had expected to hear a bunch of political back and forth for most of the day, but it didn't come until the end of the day when things were settling down. I think every one of them are democrats, so it didn't really matter what they were talking about, they all agreed deep down. I didn't last long in the room with all this, so that was the time I escaped to downstairs with Husband to play pool.

As you can guess, anxiety was high, but then I also hit an antsy/depressed period near the end of the day. Playing pool helped the best, it was a nice distraction.

Friday was a     day
Anxiety Range: 1-3
Depression Range: 1-3
Impulses: 1
Activity Level: 2
Light Time: 1 hour

Happy Halloween!

When I woke up Friday morning remembering that I had some little Halloween packages to make up for our neighbors. They were like little Chinese food containers (without the lids) with stickers and images of Halloween-y stuff. I sneaked outside in my pajamas and dropped the candy boxes on our two neighbor's doorsteps, put one in Daughter's backpack for her teacher and took one to the bus stop under my jacket. I brought it for Annay, the girl that walks Daughter home from the bus every day. As soon as the bus was out of sight, I walked over to her house and left it on her doorstep.

Husband was using Friday for his work-at-home day, and wanted to sleep in, doing only a half day, but when he finally did get up about 8:45, he decided that he would take the entire day off work. We had plans to leave Saturday morning for the in-laws, and then stay the weekend. They are having a birthday party for MIL's mom disguised as a house-warming party, but it is still partly for the house warming. We changed our plans to taking the kids to the mall for trick-or-treating and then leave that evening, getting there late. Husband was stuck on the idea of have the house clean before we left, so that was part of the reason he decided to take the entire day off. I also thought this was a good idea, coming home to a messy house is a horrible feeling. By the time we left, the kitchen was spotless (including the floor), the living room looked great, the only thing left were some items left on the dining room table.

At 1:00, Daughter had her Halloween party at school, and Husband and I went to volunteer. Husband watched the bean bag toss while I did face painting. There was also musical chairs, pin the nose on the pumpkin, decorating cookies, fishing pond and a relay race. It was an hour of excitement and smiles all around for the kids.

It was nap time for Monster and me after the party and Husband finished the cleaning. Daughter couldn't decide if she wanted to walk around the neighborhood or go to the mall. I wanted to go to the mall after Daughter finally decided to do the neighborhood. I won out. We had a decision to make, either take the time and pack and ready ourselves so we can just head out after the mall, or... we could just go to the mall and come back and rush to get out the door. We decided to do the mall first, which was a lot of fun, and it only took us about 45 minutes to pack and leave.

We arrived after 10:30pm, Daughter crashed on the way out, and went straight to bed, oblivious to the world. Monster stayed awake the entire drive and fought going to sleep once getting to our destination. Daughter slept through all the screaming. The adults stayed up until about midnight, just unable to get MIL and Husband to stop talking.

I hit some depression only in the morning, I was busy doing thing the rest of the day. The only times I was left with nothing to do was on the ride out, and I fell asleep. Anxiety wasn't really an issue for the same reason.

Thursday was a       day
Anxiety Range: 2-4
Depression Range: 2-4
Impulses: 2

Activity Level: 4
Light Time: 1 ½ hours

I woke up feeling pretty terrible, and didn't want Husband to go to work. I was very depressed, and just didn't feel up to doing anything, especially taking care of Monster. I sat and talked with Husband for a little while, making him even later for work, but it was needed. We decided that I needed to go to the “Y”, since it has been showing that I feel much better emotionally each time I go.

It was a struggle getting going, but it did end up making me feel better. I hate to admit it, but the process of forcing myself and the internal dialog I have to go through is difficult, but worth it. I wish I could get going easier, but it will come with time; I just have to remind myself about the benefits.

I walked 2 ½ miles on the treadmill in less time than usual. I increased the speed but found that I have a hard time with my balance, so had to hold on the whole time. It just doesn't help my balance, but keeps me at that even pace so I don't alternat sliping back and getting too close, like I usually do. It was almost as if I was being pulled along, but it worked. Also, Obama was giving a speech, and it was live on CNN, so I had a distraction; I wasn't just standing there listening to music watching the numbers tick. I hated having to watch him and this speech, but I just needed distraction.

I hate to go into politics but I just feel that Obama is playing the crowd, not outright bashing, but in his smooth way digging and implying things that are just plain crazy. He made it sound that McCain is against things like helping the middle class tax-wise, and his economic plan will be the same as Bush's. Obama stressed points that are common sense, it was painful to watch. This was basically a “love me” speech.

When I got home from the gym I felt really good emotionally wise, but was a little tired. There was little for a nap since we had the follow up appointment for Daughter's hip pain. I knew she was feeling much, much better, and discovered that she has no pain at all. The doctor wasn't entirely surprised about this, explaining that it is an odd thing that comes on all of the sudden, the pain can be severe (like it was, leaving her unable to walk) and then disappear, probably never going to be seen again.

We all got home by 2:45 and I put Monster down for his nap immediately, then tried to sleep myself. I had a hard time settling down, but got in about one hour.

In the evening, and almost all evenings, my mood starts to decline. Usually it is depression with some antsy feelings. I try to distract myself, usually with my computer, and then hide out in the bedroom away from the noise. Thursday night I even started reading my book again, it is called “Plain Truth” by Jody Picoult. I put down this book months and months ago, and I hesitate to say a year, but that is probably right. It is about an Amish girl who has a baby and allegedly kills it. She starts out even denying she had the baby in the first place. The lawyer ends up living in the Amish community as a custodian of this girl while they await trial. I am not sure that I picked up at a good point; I may have restarted somewhere after the point I can really remember as the last thing.

I don't know if I will keep up with reading my book, it is an easy thing to put aside. I have a couple books laying on the floor on my side of the bed that I started but put down, just like Plain Truth. I have so many distractions, I just can't rotate all of them otherwise I would never get a single thing done. It would be Plurking and Twitter-ing, blogging, reading, doing crosswords, making jewelry, making greeting cards, drawing, painting flower pots, making bandannas and cat toys for the humane socitety, finishing a quilt that was due almost three years ago, and many, many others.

Thursday night, I did have the antsy depression, and I took some Perphenazine, read for a little while in my book and went to bed at a reasonable hour.

Wednesday was a      day
Anxiety Range: 2-4
Depression Range: 2-4
Impulses: 3
Activity Level: 2
Light Time: 1 hr

It was a very stressful morning. Daughter was having hip pain Tuesday, which progressed into being unable to walk by Wednesday morning. Husband took her to Urgent Care to get an x-ray and exam. They thought she had broken her femur just below her hip, and sent them off to Childrens Hospital in St. Paul. I was very concerned and made arrangements for my grandma to watch Monster while I went to the ER there to offer my support.

Right away a doctor was on top of things, she viewed the x-ray that was taken at Urgent Care and threw out the diagnosis right away. Besides, fractures in this area is very, very uncommon in children. They had to take a blood sample, and I immediately knew it would involve a couple people holding her down and lots of screaming. They decided to put in an IV, which was probably a good thing, it would be easier to draw the blood. They taped her hand and wrist to a board to keep her from bending. The nurse held that arm while putting in the IV, a medical assistant laid across her body keeping her middle from moving, Husband held down her legs and I grabbed the other arm and her head so she couldn't look at what was going on. That was one little scared girl, even the nurse was put aback at the intensity of her initial screams. The ended up having to tape a washcloth over her entire hand and wrist so she couldn't see it. About every five minutes she asked for it to be removed.

There was a second x-ray done to compare both hips at the same time to look for swelling or displacement. The blood results came back with a diagnosis of infection. It could have been from a cold or cut or something that got infected and got into the blood stream, and for some reason stopped there. There is no treatment, just waiting for it to go away on its own, which is supposed to be just a few days.

Keeping a five yr old from wanting to bounce around and play was difficult, and I ended up giving up on a lot of things. By the end of the night, she didn't seem to be in a lot of discomfort, but did have some pain here and there. Husband was convinced that she should go to school Thursday, but I thought it may be too much walking and there is also a high likelihood of her over-exerting herself on the playground and aggravating the situation. We have an appointment Thursday at 2:00 with her normal doctor, but now (Thursday morning) it almost seems like she could skip this and be just fine. There are small risks of becoming septic or spreading and other things, but those are things we just have to watch for by noticing increased pain, fever and things like that.

I don't know if it was the stress of the morning or the fact that I did not get in any exercise, but my depression was at a lower level and I was feeling anxious all evening. Having lower esteem for the day, led to compulsive eating. That bucket of ice cream in the freezer just calls and calls for me.

Tuesday was a "THREE Star Day"

Anxiety Range: 1-3
Depression Range: 1-3
Impulses: 3
Activity Level: 3
Light Time: 1 hr

Waking up Tuesday morning, I had the urge to get out and go to the gym (WOW!). I didn't have to wait long before the monster woke up, but it still took us 1 ½ hours to get ourselves fed and clothed and decided what we were going to do for the day. Instead of the gym, we went to the mall (Mall of America) to start looking around for Christmas gift ideas. I did three whole laps, one on each level, and I think I reached my goal of 5,000 steps doing this. I wore my basic, normal pedometer to get an idea of how far I went (which seems to be a little inaccurate, counting less than it should), it read 2.5 miles, which is about how far I estimated it takes to reach 5,000, so hopefully I passed this with room to spare.

I bought a few things for Christmas, for my one of my sister-in-laws and my nephew. For SIL, I bought a really nice, personalized ornament. Since she will be pregnant over the holidays, I got one that depicts a pregnant woman with space to write across the big belly (a name or something) and she is holding a small purse that will state the due date. Since she has not gotten a definite due date, and we haven't decided what to write on the belly, so I had them leave the entire thing. SIL is big on collecting memorable ornaments, so I think this one will go over well. For my baby nephew, I got some of those heavy duty wooden puzzles and an ornament as well. This one is for baby's first Christmas, there is a baby carriage with room on the side for his name. There is a little baby bunny in the carriage holding balloons which I had the year written. I think the cutest part is that the little wheels turn.

I am tired of my hair color, and decided to dye it using that wildfire red that I bought last Friday. It did not turn out the way I wanted. The roots that have grown in did not color at all, just the leftover from my last dye job, however, the color is about where I want it. I have a kit to remove the color from my hair, which I was going to use Tuesday night, but the directions looked scary, and will wait for my MIL to help me with it, since she used to be a hair stylists, she has the know-how to get things done right. We will see her this weekend while a lot of family will be visiting, but I don't know if she will have time for it.

The kitchen was in a pretty bad state when I woke up, but decided to do absolutely nothing to help the situation. Besides, after a long walk at the mall and nap time, there really wasn't time to do anything about it. Usually this is a trigger for anxiety, but it didn't really bother me much, I just avoided the kitchen the best I could. Being out of the house and then napping, there wasn't much time for anxiety or depression either. Things stayed low, especially since there was little time for Monster to run around crazy-like and stress me out.

Daughter started complaining about pain in her side. By the end of the night, I determined that it was her hip joint that was hurting her, and as it got later in the night, the worse the pain, she was barely walking by bedtime. Fast forward note: Husband took her to urgent care this morning (Wednesday). They are still gone, so I have no idea what, or if they found anything yet.

On on upbeat note, Monster, all of the sudden started going up the stairs walking upright, no more crawling for him. I would have thought his little legs were still too short considering the difficulty he has coming down. I could tell by about 2/3 the way up he was getting tired, he started slowing down and almost went into a crawl again but I was there to help.

Monday was a      day
Anxiety Range: 1-3
Depression Range: 1-3
Impulses: 4
Activity Level: 4
Light Time: 1 hr

MOMS Club arranged to go to the local nursing home so that our kids could trick-or-treat from the various residents. It is a big deal to them, and the kids have fun, so it's a win-win situation. I dressed Monster in his little scrubs, grabbed the play doctor kit and headed out the door. Of course when we first got there Monster started his whiny/shy/scared fit. He didn't want to be out of my arms, but warmed up when it was time to make the rounds. He listened as well as a 1yr old can, and charmed all the nurses and residents. Everyone had a smile on their face when they saw the little doctor coming their way. We even got some extra candy because he was so cute.

I stopped home to change and the two of us went to the “Y” for a little workout. As of now I will not get any free child care because of my membership. It's a free/severely discounted account which doesn't include a lot of services, I even can't use all of the YMCA locations. I rode the bike to warm up, did my weight circuit and then walked ½ mile. I don't know that I got in enough steps to make my goal, but I wasn't done right then. After dinner, I went to that Salsa dancing class again, which is a workout in itself.

Monster and I napped for about two hours that afternoon until Husband got home. After pilates on Sunday, my workout Monday morning and then Salsa, my muscles were aching. Ya know how usually you start to feel the aches the next morning, I didn't get that, I was instantly sore which made me concerned as to how sore I would be the next day.

Monday I had a problem with eating, putting all sorts of cookies and candy into my mouth. I am not going to loose any weight if I keep doing this; I replace all those calories burned, plus some each day. It would probably help if Husband would stop buying all these tempting foods.

Looking at myself in the mirrors at dance class made me feel sick again. I need a more serious and strict exercise and diet program if I truly want to loose this weight. I have 35 pounds to go before I reach my pre-Monster pregnancy weight, and then probably another 40 to get back to pre-Daughter weight. Right now my focus is just on those first 35. You have to take it in steps, right?

My anxiety and depression levels were very manageable, I kept too busy for anything to kick in. Except for that glimpse of myself in the mirror, my self-esteem was also doing well.